Living

Darkness of the night
As brightness of the day
Reminds me of myself
Repeating myself over and again.
Doing the same things 24 /7
Living ?? No!
Existing is more like it.
Mechanically the day goes by,
The night envelops my numbness.

Sunrise brings with it another day,
The same day that yesterday was;
Sometimes,
Rain brings relief
To the monotones of life.
Breeze stirs my lifeless heart.
Ruffles the few breath left in it.
But when it leaves
All that is left
Is a shell
Existing in this harsh world.

How I wish for a storm
To slap me back to reality;
It might turn my life
Upside down and inside out,
But it might also,
Pound some beat into my heart.

Reality hurts,
But at least I will feel something
Even pain
Would be better
Than this numb feeling
That freezes my heart.

In a life painted
In different shades of gray
Even a splash of red
Would be welcome
Even if it was
A little of my own blood
Least I would know
That I was
Living.....
at all..


-November 2001